No wonder Lorraine Kelly's tearing her hair out - ITV's latest decision would make me do the same

Between billionaire weddings, Scary hen parties and more drama offscreen than on at ITV, it's been a busy old week in Showbizland. Poor Lorraine Kelly has been been tearing her hair out - literally. Plans are in motion for a certain movie crossover and the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are the literal butt of jokes on the Royal Family's Instagram account.

This weekend's looking just as busy. The lucky (rich and organised) fans at Glasto may be baking in the heat but they are in for a giant aural treat - with the likes of Olivia Rodrigo, The Libertines, Raye and Rod Stewart all playing over the next two days. Okay, the latter's not my cup of tea, but what do I know? I'm still in disbelief Alanis Morissette was only ranked third , yes, THIRD, on the bill on Friday, behind headliners the 1975 and Biffy Clyro. That must have been a bitter (jagged little) pill for her to swallow.

For those not waking up in a sweltering tent, regretting their life choices for not packing Factor 50, there's some even cooler entertainment to be had this weekend - in the delightful air con surroundings of your local cinema. For, one of the BEST films of the past 30 years is back on the big screen this weekend. And clue - it's NOT Jurassic World: Rebirth.

What is it? Well, duh, it's the one teen movie so truly close to perfect it should be, like, taught in schools, obviously. More on that below..... but first let's take two minutes to appreciate some of the quirky, ironic and often whimsical moments of the past showbiz week.....

Motor-mad Monday

Talk about bang for your buck. Movie fans in Leicester Square got two (albeit slightly-ageing) A-list hunks for the price of one on Monday night. For Brad Pittmay have expected to be the biggest name at the London premiere of his racing driver epic F1. But then his old pal – and Interview With a Vampire co-star – Tom Cruise decided to make a pit, or rather a Pitt , stop. The surprise addition of Cruise came with an even bigger shock.

F1 and Top Gun: Maverick director Joseph Kosinski has revealed his dream pitch for the racing film’s sequel: F1’s Sonny Hayes coming face to face with old foe Cole Trickle – aka Tom’s character from 1990’s racing driver movie Days of Thunder. “It’d be Cole Trickle, who was [Cruise’s] Days of Thunder character, [and] we find out that he and [Brad Pitt’s] Sonny Hayes have a past,” Kosinski says. “They were rivals at some point, maybe crossed paths…” Interesting. But what inspired this?

Kosinski says: “I heard about this epic go-kart battle on Interview With a Vampire that Brad and Tom had, and who wouldn’t pay to see those two go head-to-head on the track?” You make a valid point, Joe. Now, throw in Chris Hemsworth as James Hunt in 2013’s Rush and you’ll be guaranteed pole position at the box office.

Teetotal Tuesday

Thanks to her MBE, Mel B will be following in Princess Diana’s footsteps when she weds fiance Rory McPhee at St Paul’s Cathedral next month. And while sources close to Mel have assured it will be a very sophisticated affair, I genuinely hope she’s going full out Scary Spice – leopard-print bridesmaid dresses and the works.

But this week it was the details of her hen do not her nuptials making headlines. For Scary recently took 35 pals to Tunisia. As the country is famously dry, they spent most of their time partying in their private mega-villa, often finishing at 4am. “It was an absolute riot from start to finish,” one source was quoted as telling reporters this week.

Fortunately it didn’t turn into a literal one. For there was one bar serving booze in the apartment block next door – but it only served MEN. So I wonder what would’ve happened if Mel ‘Girl Power’ B had popped in by accident? I imagine it would indeed have been a Scary encounter. But not for her. For them....

Whoopsie Wednesday

Here’s a shot to cast a dark cloud over sunny Montecito. For George Clooney and wife Amal – one-time wedding guests for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex – this week made it quite clear which side of the royal rift they were on. Spoiler alert: I don’t think it’s Haz and Meg’s.

Yes, the pair appear to be firmly Team Charles as they were snapped enjoying quite the charming chit chat with our monarch at a King’s Trust reception on Wednesday. And in case there's any doubt about their feelings.....there's even an award for female achievers presented in Amal’s name. (This year's recipient was Alice, a 19-year-old Kenyan woman who launched a bead-making business, which saved her from being a child bride when her father died.)

Don't worry Haz, I'm sure it isn't personal. After all, it wouldn’t be the first time George Clooney’s switched allegiances – as a certain former President Biden may well recall....

Twerky Thursday

…Sadly, for H&M, the Clooneys weren’t the only ones at the event who may have risked their wrath. Cheeky Radio One DJ Jamie Laing, whose great-great-grandfather invented McVitie’s Digestives, was also at the same event - and “appeared” to take a swipe at Meg’s now infamous hospital twerking video.

How? Well in quite a spectacular way. He filmed his own version with pregnant wife Sophie Habboo… on the staircase of Buckingham Palace itself… and then posted it to his millions of followers on Instagram, going viral on Thursday.

I can’t imagine The Sussexes loved being the butt of a former reality star’s joke. But what must really take the, um, biscuit, is how the Royal Family reacted. For this was their exact response from the official, yes the official, Instagram account: "We see you, Side Eye emoji, Winky Face emoji."

Ummmm. It’s not exactly the vigorous telling off one would expect for flouting royal protocol. In fact, I’d go as far as to say it’s halfway to encouragement. So why was the official Instagram account for the Royals embroiling itself in social media tit for tat and frippery?

I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised that the old emphasis on etiquette, decorum, dress code and a stiff upper lip is becoming more relaxed. The gloves came off with Megxit, after all. However, the royals foray into Instagram ­quippery did make me wonder: What if social media had been around for some of the infamous Royal moments of the past?

How would Edward VIII have announced his abdication on X? An “I’m out” meme from Dragons’ Den, perhaps? Alongside the hashtags: #TheGreatResignation, #YouDoYou?Would Henry VIII be for ever trawling the ’gram looking for a new wifey, sliding into the DMs of every 1500s’ hottie flashing a bit of ankle? You can picture his opening gambit: “S’up? Ur (Fire Emoji). Wannabe my (Crown Emoji)? Send nudes. #NoFilter, #Nohorsefaces #NoPsychos (Aubergine Emoji)”

Or maybe Spain would try to scare us with a photo of their giant 1588 Armada, captioned: “Off to Blighty! #ladsontour #VacayVibes”. Only for Elizabeth I to pop up in the comments with a cluster of emojis: Yawn Face, Eye Roll and every passive aggressive’s favourite: Painting Nails – the universal symbol for “Me? Bothered? As If!”?

Big Day Friday

Excitement over the wedding of Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez has been swamping ­showbizland this week. The Amazon founder has been having a ­three-day Venice extravaganza, with everything a showbiz wedding needs: A $20million budget, Elton John as the wedding band, a whole raft of Kardashians and a (possibly) newly-single Orlando Bloom.

But it can’t be all fun and games being a guest. Because there’s that age-old ­quandary: what do you get for the man who has everything? (Quite literally, for sale at amazon.com). After all, he has come a long way since he was working in a tiny office in Seattle. Back when he married his first wife in 1993, he was probably grateful for the usual toaster and microwave essentials. But now with £210billion in the bank, he can literally have anything he wants in the world. Or indeed out of it – if he takes a ride in his Blue Origin rocket.

Picture Of The Week

Have you done something different with your hair, Lorraine Kelly?

The TV star was clearly feeling a little devil may care and playful this week. For when discussing hairstyles with a guest, she revealed she's been wearing extensions every day for years – and then proceeded to take them out ....live on air. It didn't end there. Scottish Lorraine bizarrely went on to demonstrate how her extensions could “also double as a beard”.

Her actions, on Thursday's show, came a month after ITV bosses announced they were slashing her one-hour morning show to just 30 minutes, and airing it for 30 weeks of the year instead of 52.

This week, there was a further blow for Lorraine and Loose Women. It was revealed cost-cutting bosses were preparing to bid goodbye to their plush studios at west London's iconic Television Centre - and potentially move them to a smaller site in the basement of an old London club.

So, to be fair, after the way Lorraine has been treated after 30-odd years at ITV, I can understand why she’s – quite literally – tearing her hair out.

Is this the best teen movie ever made?

Well, like, duh, obviously...... Don't get me wrong there's tough competition: Legally Blonde, 10 Things I Hate About You, The Breakfast Club, Say Anything, American Pie, Heathers, Road Trip Mean Girls, The Craft, Carrie, Never Been Kissed, The Lost Boys, Go!, Cruel Intentions, To All the Boys I've Loved Before, Stand By Me...... But NOTHING beats the one the that made a million fans crave a yellow plaid suit.

Yes, it's that slice of quotable cinematic perfection - CLUELESS. The movie's been remastered and is back in Cineworld cinemas this weekend to celebrate a whopping 30 years on June since Alicia Silverstone made Cher Horowitz a 1990s' icon. Forget Gwyneth Paltrow and Anya Taylor-Joy's period adaptations of Emma. Do you think the queen of wit Jane Austen would have preferred those versions of her classic novel to Amy Heckerling's ironic, masterful and, like, totally charming script? Urgh, As If!

What's your thoughts? Don't agree Clueless is the ultimate teen film? Do you feel sorry for Harry and Meghan? What would you like to see at Mel B's wedding? Message me in the comments or via @JessicaBoulton on X/Instagram