How to recognize a narcissistic woman? The signs vary
Dr. Saxton reveals the devastating effects of narcissistic parenting on children and the unique forms of female narcissism. “For decades, narcissism has carried a distinctly masculine cast. Popular culture portrays narcissists as dominant, arrogant, manipulative men. But female narcissists operate very differently and often go unnoticed,” says Saxton.
According to Saxton, female narcissists can use behaviors traditionally considered "feminine" as tools of manipulation. Attitudes like helpfulness, self-sacrifice, motherhood, or vulnerability can become tools for controlling relationships. These behaviors can be transformed into strategies for gaining power through passive-aggressive behaviors or assuming the victim role. "They can use vulnerability as a weapon to control the relationship," says Saxton, emphasizing that these individuals restrict their partners' autonomy under the guise of "helping." Saxton also points out that cultural stereotypes mask this situation, saying, "We are conditioned to see women as emotional, gentle, and nurturing. Therefore, characteristics like neediness or sentimentality are often romanticized or excused. Yet, these stereotypes can shield some women from emotional abuse."
Female narcissism, particularly within the family, exhibits a deeper and more complex structure. Dr. Saxton notes that narcissistic mothers often control their children "in the name of love," violating their boundaries and undermining their independence. "A mother can be a rival to her daughter and infantilize her son. These behaviors can negatively impact a child's identity development. However, society avoids naming this type of abuse because motherhood is an idealized concept," Saxton says.
Saxton reminds us that criteria such as grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy, which are included in the classic definition of narcissism, are generally shaped by masculine behavioral patterns, arguing that many female narcissists are "overshadowed." According to research conducted in the UK, 1 in 20 people are diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. Clinical data indicates that approximately 7.7% of men and 4.8% of women receive this diagnosis. However, the number of people exhibiting narcissistic traits is thought to be far higher than this figure.
Narcissistic individuals can be manipulative, controlling, and emotionally destructive towards those around them. They may offer conditional love and affection in relationships and exert pressure on their spouses or children. Experts point out that narcissistic tendencies can have consequences not only for the individual but also for society. The fact that narcissism in women manifests more subtly, masked by social norms, makes the detection and intervention of this personality disorder even more difficult.
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