Damiano: “Anger attacks and life without affection. With diving I found calm and balance”

“I have always been a person with an irritable temperament and over the years I have tried to tone down my anger. Then my mother separated from my father after 40 years of marriage and I understood that all my anger was born right there, from the conflictual relationship I have always had with her”. This is how the email that reaches the editorial staff begins from Damiano E., a fictitious name chosen by a 35-year-old who today travels the world as a scuba instructor. “I owe my rebirth to diving: it helped me to have greater self-control, to calm down and to live a more peaceful life”.

A conflictual relationship with the mother

“I am an only child and I have always had a love-hate relationship with my mother Giovanna. She was an absent woman. Her work, to which she was always devoted, took her away from me many, too many times, when I was a child. With me there were nannies and my father, who was also quite busy with his job, but at least in the evening he would sometimes put me to sleep by telling me stories. I always wanted my mother's love not to be a conquest, because every time she came home I did everything I could to please her, attract her attention, find confirmation that she loved me. An internal work that only as an adult did I understand, while when I was a child I tried to make myself visible and lovable in her eyes. The point is that, inside me, a rage towards her gradually grew that I never wanted to admit because I didn't feel sure of her affection. I understood it only later, when I was now a grown boy and had to face this perpetual anger that, more than once, has tangled up my life”.

Rebirth after the separation of parents

“I grew up wearing the mask of a good boy when I was with my mother, but with the rest of the world managing my anger was not easy. I often argued with my father, at school I was a hothead and not even sports made me vent this aggression that I had difficulty controlling. Fortunately I never got into serious trouble, but the more I grew up the more I felt that this angry “twin” that I had inside me could cause me serious problems if I didn't control it. Everyone thought I was just a restless boy and for a long time I felt like I was wrong. Then five years ago, I was 30, my mother called me and told me she needed to talk to me urgently. And of course I rushed to her. “I made an important decision: I asked your father for a separation. It's no secret to anyone that our marriage has dragged on for all these years and I don't want to be a hypocrite anymore. I've had a lover for many years, your father knew it and accepted my relationship. And now that we are old, I want to live next to him in the sunlight,” my mother informs me, with her usual cold attitude. I am speechless and the child in need of affection who has never stopped living inside me reappears with all his suffering and anger: he was abandoning me again, and with me my father and our entire family. Now I could explain all his absences and shortcomings, he had preferred his lover to us. Since he was not asking for my opinion, but was simply making me a participant in his decisions, shortly after he dismissed me with a kiss on the cheek. I left his house with tears in my eyes and the desire to smash everything. I told myself to stay calm, but once I got home I became furious, I took it out on furniture, vases and paintings. A strong and violent outburst, but it woke me up from a long nightmare. I could not live like this anymore, I had to free myself from my inner twin full of aggression .”

A more peaceful life with diving

“The sea is a great passion of mine and looking at it has always given me a sense of tranquility. At the time I was a freelance PR, so I took my computer and went to our house by the sea to gather my thoughts. One day an old friend told me that he had opened a diving center in the area: “Come with me, maybe you'll like it!”. I would have said no a thousand times before, but now I needed something to distract me so I accepted without thinking too much. I attended the course, I got my first certification and for me it was an epiphany. Diving and exploring the underwater world, seeing wonderful fish was giving me a calm and tranquility that I had never experienced. I felt in control of myself, as if all that emotion, which I had always had difficulty controlling, could be guided. I became passionate and I gave up my old life to travel the world and go diving. In the end I became an instructor. The old anger rarely resurfaces and little by little I made peace with my mother, with whom I now, incredibly, have a good relationship, more adult and more mature."

The psychologist's opinion

“Damiano’s rebirth begins with a transformative journey that marks a crucial turning point in his life. After years of internal conflicts and a complex bond with his mother, his story evolves into a journey of self-discovery and liberation,” comments Dr. Anna Merolle, psychologist, psychotherapist and expert in relationship dynamics.

“This awakening occurs in a moment of crisis, when the revelation of his mother’s double life forces Damiano to face the repressed emotions and anger that have accompanied him for years, leading him to a deep introspection. The sea, a symbol of tranquility and depth, becomes the context in which Damiano finds himself. Immersed in an environment that promotes calm and reflection, he experiences a connection with his authentic self, far from his mother’s conditioning. This immersion process is not only physical, but represents a powerful metaphor for his inner journey. Through diving, Damiano discovers a new way of managing his emotions, transforming anger into a contained strength and love into a healthier and more mature form.

The decision to become a diving instructor marks not only a professional change, but also a significant separation from his mother, allowing him to travel and explore the world. This choice reflects an awareness and self-acceptance that frees him from the chains of a conflictual past. However, Damiano's rebirth is not limited to his personal emancipation: it also includes a mature reconciliation with his mother. With time and personal growth, Damiano begins to see Giovanna not only as the figure who disappointed him, but as a complex woman, with her own fragilities and desires.

Their relationship, now more balanced, allows Damiano to forgive and build a bond based on a more realistic understanding. Damiano's rebirth therefore represents not only the fall of an old self, but also the construction of a new identity, capable of embracing life with serenity and awareness . By moving away from his emotional wounds, Damiano is finally able to look to the future with hope and determination, transforming pain into opportunities for growth and personal fulfillment. In this way, his story becomes a powerful example of resilience and the ability to change, not only towards himself, but also towards the relationships that surround him".