Psychology: Are you really empathetic – or hypervigilant?

Suddenly, the corners of my counterpart's mouth harden. Did I do or say something wrong? Is this person angry with me? What's the best way to react now?

Are you familiar with such thoughts? Perhaps you associate them with empathy . Being empathetic can mean that we can easily understand the feelings of others, easily empathize with them and their thoughts, and that we can also "read" others well—that is, quickly sense and see their mood.

Sometimes we consider ourselves empathetic, even though another word would better describe our behavior—as in the example above—namely, hypervigilance, which means heightened alertness. When we are hypervigilant, we are also good at reading and understanding the feelings of others—but we are extremely focused on the smallest changes in their facial expressions, their tone of voice, and their behavior.

Hypervigilance: Our brain's protective mechanism

Hypervigilance is often rooted in traumatic experiences. We learned, probably as children, the hard way, that it's advisable to always be on guard and closely observe any changes in the mood of those around us. And this coping mechanism is deeply ingrained in us, so that even today we are extremely alert and attentive, especially in interpersonal situations. This hypervigilance is our brain's attempt to protect us.

So if you consider yourself an empathic person, it might be worth checking whether hypervigilance is behind it.

3 signs that you are not empathetic, but hypervigilant 1. You are only focused on the other person in every interaction

Engaging with one's own environment and, for example, keeping an eye on how others are feeling in social situations can be a sign of healthy empathy. However, it can also tip over into the extreme alertness typical of hypervigilance. If we're so fixated on monitoring the slightest changes in the other person's body language during a conversation, we may lose our focus on what we're talking about.

If you regularly find yourself having anxious thoughts about whether the other person might be angry with you and/or otherwise dissatisfied, this may be a sign that your healthy empathy is actually hypervigilance.

2. You feel responsible for the feelings of others

Another difference between empathy and hypervigilance is whether you feel responsible for the emotions of the other person. Noticing how someone else is feeling and possibly seeing if you can do something for them can be healthy and empathetic. But if it gets to the point where you feel responsible for every emotional fluctuation of your partner, friend, or boss, you're probably hypervigilant. Constantly dwelling on the thoughts and feelings of others—and their potential consequences for you—is a clear warning sign.

3. You are extremely sensitive to stimuli

Hypervigilance can also manifest itself in completely different situations. Are you easily jumpy? Do you quickly feel stressed and overwhelmed by large crowds, loud noises, and bright lights? Extreme sensitivity to sensory overload can also indicate hypervigilance. Our nervous system cannot distinguish between real dangers and, say, loud fireworks. Therefore, this hypervigilance, which usually originates in interpersonal situations, often spills over into other senses.

What can you do if you are hypervigilant?

Recognizing that something in our behavior is unhealthy and could possibly be a symptom of an illness is an important first step. Hypervigilance can (but doesn't necessarily) be a sign of an anxiety disorder or post-traumatic stress disorder. It's best to talk to a doctor or therapist about it. Together, you can develop a strategy to get to the bottom of your behavior and resolve potential issues.

In the short term, however, it can help to consciously calm your nervous system, for example through meditation or yoga. Reducing your screen time—especially in the evening—and avoiding alcohol or caffeine if these substances make you (even) more nervous can also help you calm down a bit.

mbl Brigitte

#Topics